the malevolence of emotions.
--
a fragile state of mind.
it's the emotions that control our lives.
they are the true captain of your body and your mind.
no matter how much you think you have them under control. they are stronger. they rule you.
we are their slaves in the form of human bodies. where did they come from?
or, who is controlling the emotions? is there some kind of master of the emotions?
I'm writing this since I lost control over my emotions.
they aren’t just ruling me, they torture me. I am fighting against my own body. it's a fight that I already lost.
sometimes I see myself dying. I already know the end of the fight. i will lose. so why spend so much energy for fighting. I could just run away and jump. jump deep down there. it can’t be worse than here.
I wish I was able to do that. but my emotions won't let me. they need me. without me, they cant exist. they are like parasites. attacking me. when will this be over?
sometimes I don’t see the why. am I blind or is there none?
sometimes I imagine myself laying on the ground dying. looking into the sky. screaming for help. but nobody can hear me. expect the stars. that are awaiting me. up there. in the darkness.
blood is running down my face. it feels right. can you hold me tight?
my thoughts are going crazy. they are screaming. I lost the fight. it feels right.
where will I go after I leave this body? will there be another one? and my soul?
I feel so lonely. and I like it. it feels right. but it makes me sick. in the mind. thoughts are spinning crazy. they make me crazy. in the head.
I can feel the malevolence craving my soul. she is close. I don’t run away. it feels right.
is there really somebody out there who is the same as me? a person I don’t have to lie to.
